Metaphors, for your consideration

Metaphors from Real Life...
(or so it claims)
Use in class or just for fun:

Every year, English teachers from across the country
can submit their collections of actual analogies and
metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts
are published each year to the amusement of Teachers
across the country. Here are last year's winners....

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle
that had its two sides gently compressed by a
Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and
breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without
Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking
at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and
he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
6. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
7. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated came as a rude shock, like the roaming
charges that appear on your cell phone bill when you
make a long distance call from Mexico.
(My personal favorite):
8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond
exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
9. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're
on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at
7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
10. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other
like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at
6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
11. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
12. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant,
and she was the East River.
13. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a
steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it
had rusted shut.
14. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
15. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
16. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you
get from not eating for a while.
17. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame
duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame,
maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
18. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
19. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing
kids around with power tools.
20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard chimes ringing, as if she were a garbage truck
backing up.

Hee, hee.